Doing Life Together... Guarding My Tongue
It's interesting that 3 of the 7 principles Deitrich Bonhoeffer gives for eradicating selfishness from a Christian community deal directly with communication (two on speaking and one about listening). How we comminicate with one another has a profound affect on the climate and environment in the community. The Apostles recognized this. James (James 4:11-12), Peter (1 Peter 2:1) and Paul (Ephesians 4:31, Titus 3:1-2) all addressed the issue of "evil speaking" in the Christian community.
This "evil speaking" can take many forms, but I want to look at just three, sarcasm, unnecessary criticism and complaining. Why these three? Maybe because these are the ones I see most commonly practiced in our communities, or maybe it is the three I am most guilty of. Probably, both.
Sarcasm is almost an art form in our society. I have three younger brothers, and when the four of us get together, the "zingers" begin to fly! With us, I think it is a weird, 'manly' way of expressing affection (but I am not so sure anymore). One of the things that makes sarcasm work is, there is usually a hint (emphasize HINT) of truth, or perceived truth in the statement. When sarcasm is used in our churches, it leaves people feeling belittled. We are trying to be witty and cute and we end up being cruel and uncaring.
I will lump unnecessary criticism and complaining together. Generally, criticism is leveled against someone, while complaining is broader and can apply to circumstances. Over the years, I have noticed there are people in the church who feel it is their calling to find a grey cloud for every silver lining. Some feel like it is their "gift" to the church to point out everything that is wrong with the church. These folks have a way of quickly lowering the spiritual temperature in a community.
How do we rid ourselves of such destructive patterns of communication? I think Paul's words to Titus are appropriate...
"...to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people." (3:2)
What would happen in our churches and homes this week if we all decided to put this verse into action? What if, when I felt the impulse to speak evil of someone, I just kept my mouth shut? What if, instead of being critical I was kind and courteous? What if, instead of complaining, I offered to help? Do you think it would make a difference in the climate of our communities?
I think it's worth a shot.
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