Saying the tough stuff

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Oct 1, 2009 by Randy Chestnut | 0 Comments

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness."                                                                             Galatians 6:1a

I can imagine there are some folks that have taken the Ephesians 4:29 Challenge who wonder, "So, does this mean I can ONLY say nice, sweet, complimentary words? Aren't there times we need to say some hard things?" There certainly are.  The intent of the challenge is to cause us to think before we speak.  And when we need to have those difficult conversations we need to make sure we take time to think AND pray before we speak.

How do these "difficult conversations" fit into the overall idea of "building up" from Ephesians 4:29? If you have ever done any type of renovation and/or home improvement projects, you know that this type of project is very different than new construction.  New construction is much easier.  In renovation projects, there is often a "tear out" phase.  It actually feels like you are moving backwards, but it must be done!

While becoming a follower of Christ makes us a new creation, there is still some old stuff in our lives that needs to be addressed. Some of that "stuff" could include life-style choices, patterns of behavior, speech, attitudes... it can be a pretty extensive list (I am thinking about MY list)! God's purpose is conform me into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). God uses His word, His spirit, and life circumstances in this process.  He also uses other people.

During my thirty years of being a Christ-follower, I can think of several times that God used a friend in Christ to speak truth into my life that, at first, was hard and difficult for me to hear.  But, in the end, I was grateful for their investment in my life.  If we feel like we need to have a difficult conversation with a friend, here are a few guidelines...

  1. Be patient with others (1 Corinthians 13:4-6). Some folks are quick with a word of rebuke. They have the gift of rebuke (not a spiritual gift, by the way). They have a graduate degree in rebuking.  Sometimes, we just need to give people a little grace.
  2. Examine your own heart first (Matthew 7:1-5) Before we start doing micro-surgery in the lives of others, we need to make sure we have dealt with the stuff in our lives.
  3. Make it a private conversation. The idea is not to humiliate the person, but to help them.
  4. Let the selection of your words and the tone of your speech reflect the love and grace of the Lord Jesus.
  5. Pray before, during and after the conversation.

Tomorrow, we will conclude this series of posts by looking at the place where all of this starts, the heart.

Let's remember each other in prayer...

Randy